Single Review: Powerman 5000 - 'Abandon Ship'

Powerman 5000 are not my favourite nu-metal band of all time by a long shot. Them being a band on the more industrial side of things, alongside my calling them “budget Rammstein” probably says it all. However, nu-metal has undeniably seen a resurgence in popularity recently, with many bands of the time releasing new material. There was Alien Ant Farm, and recently P.O.D. too. So, with news of P5000’s ‘Abandon Ship’ dropping this Friday (May 10th), I thought “why not give it a go and see what the lads are up to?” I’m all for second chances after all.

1999

Serendipity’s a funny old thing. I started writing an article all about 1999 nu-metal albums, and I checked up on these guys, and found they released this. So, how is it?

Well, it certainly sounds like them. If anything, the only thing I could really say about it is that it does the bare minimum to sound like them, and that’s it. The electronic beats and dystopian synths are about as basic and faintly tacky as they could be, not to mention the guitar riffs and leads are incredibly run of the mill too.

I don’t even find the concept of genericness hugely offensive. What does annoy me is when it sounds like people just aren’t trying. Picture the scene, “we need a guitar riff”, “uh, ok, hold on, djun djun, djun djun djun, yeah that’ll do.” Now take that ethos, and apply it to everything. The raucous, synth laden outro’s alright, yeah, but 30 seconds does not a decent song make.

That goes for the vocals too. I know I wasn’t a fan of his more bombastic, strained singing, but it almost feels like his adoption of a low, slightly sinister vocal register was done just because he thought it was “least risky.” The lyrics don’t even feel like they took more than 5 minutes to write. The refrains and verses are so repetitive it feels like a bad Stooges pastiche but without the charm, and the lyrics about “we used to be cool 25 years ago” just scream mid-life crisis. I won’t pretend like I expected a classic, but Christ, come on guys.

Dancing Like We’re Dead

There’s definitely more meat on the bone here musically which is a plus. The riffs are chunkier, the drums are punchier, hell, even the synths are a little more appropriately futuristic. Apart from those minor improvements, it’s essentially the same story. Emphasis on “essentially the same”, because god, they really are.

Everything about this track, the way it’s structured, the sounds of the riffs, beats and synths, it borders on eerie in similarity. It feels like what might happen if you put “Powerman 5000 instrumental” into an AI generator and picked the first two results. There’s not even much catchy about it. It could be the most generic song in the world, but I’d at least flare up if you could bob your head to it. Well, barely.

Perhaps the moment I find most frustrating is the bridge, because it actually gets kind of good. The riffs pick up in heaviness and intensity, some dramatic keys come in, it’s pretty good honestly, or it would be if they didn’t ditch it after not even 15 seconds.

Oh, and you know how I said about the last track how it felt like vocalist Spider One played it safe. Surprise surprise, that’s true here as well. I don’t even think his slightly theatrical, vampiric delivery achieves its purpose. It’s not creepy, it’s not cool, it’s not even lovably campy. Funnily enough, in the bridge, while I can appreciate his attempts to get more intense, the corny “hey” chants and strained-throat screams make me understand why he stays mostly monotone.

The lyrics do sound like they’re going for a bit of a sci-fi horror angle, but they’re so painfully basic you can’t get anything from them, not even a wacked out, vivid bit of imagery. All you get is slight elaboration on the title, and Star Trek references. Yay. I don’t know what to say, I’m just so bored.

Well I never thought I’d say this, but it appears in the last quarter century, Powerman 5000 have only gotten more generic. I never thought it possible. So, if bare bones chug riffs and cheesy electronics are your bag, you’ll probably enjoy the album. Anyone else? Well, let’s say I wouldn’t be surprised if you got literally nothing out of it. I know I barely did.

‘Abandon Ship’ is out on May 10th via Cleopatra Records. Pre-order it here.

See the artwork and track list for ‘Abandon Ship’ below

abandon ship